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Bark Versus Byte (My Robot Dog)
Performed by Hana Slevin, Elanna White, and Cat Rakowski
Sheet music available here.

John Mayer
Performed by Hana Slevin; Piano by Will Buck
Sheet music available here.

The Easy-Bake Oven Song
Music by Josh Freilich; Performed by Raja Burrows; Accompanied by Yoonmi Lee
Sheet music available here.

K-E
Performed by Hana Slevin
Sheet music available here.

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Android Ashley
Vocals by Hana Slevin
Sheet music available here.

Beats Me
Additional Vocals by Hana Slevin

I Like Birds
Music by Scotty Arnold; Vocals by Sam Heldt

p@rt_of_{ur}_w0r1d (“Menken Mixtape” Winner)
Original Lyrics by Howard Ashman; Original Music by Alan Menken

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Tieranny on The Bee’s Reads

Your Official Tiering of U.S. Presidents’ Last Names as Girls’ First Names

TIER I: ALREADY A STANDARD GIRLS’ NAME
Madison, Taylor

TIER II: I GUESS I COULD GET ON BOARD WITH THIS
Monroe, McKinley, Kennedy

TIER III: THIS PROBABLY EXISTS IN BROOKLYN AND I GUESS WE CAN ACCEPT IT
Polk, Roosevelt, Taft, Carter, Reagan, Obama

TIER VI: THIS PROBABLY EXISTS IN BROOKLYN AND IT’S A G.D. DISGRACE
Washington, Van Buren, Fillmore, Buchanan, Cleveland, Coolidge, Hoover, Eisenhower, Nixon

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My Unhealthy Obsession with CBS’s Zoo

Zoo Detective: Sometimes Your Worst Show Is Your Best Show

I’m not here to take another cheap shot at sentient clove cigarette Nic Pizzolatto (okay, except that one); in fact, I’m almost going to defend him. True Detective made for a lousy TV show, but not because he failed at making one — because he wasn’t trying to make a TV show in the first place. He was trying to make a treatise on the human condition. I think. He might have been successful; I have no idea, because that sort of thing is incredibly boring to me. But what he made was not a TV show.

The creators of The CBS Program Zoo, on the other hand, were definitely trying to make a TV show. And they almost succeeded! True, I consistently wondered if they had ever written a TV show before — hell, if they had actually even seen one — yet the effort is clear. It’s the difference between a man who jumps from a building to his death with no explanation and a man who jumps from a building to his death wearing a superhero costume. At least you know what he was going for.

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The digital home of writer Brandon Michael Lowden